Tuesday, March 25, 2008


This is why men will never outlive women. It's because we're stupid.

Example: Me.

I decided to replace our back porch light with a new, technologically advanced one that will turn itself on at night and off during the day. No more leaving the light on all day because I forgot to turn the light off before going to work. Yay. Good for the checkbook, good for the environment.

After coming back from the store, I open the box and read the directions. The first step instructs me to examine the contents to make sure nothing is missing.

Nope, nothing missing.

Second step instructs me to turn off the electricity at the circuit breaker. It's in ALL CAPS and in bold. In fact, I think the font was a size or two bigger as well. I pause and contemplate that sentence like a monkey would study Aztec hieroglyphics.

I briefly think about the last time I was messing with 120 volts and the nasty shock I got because I didn't turn off the electricity. I then decide that going to the circuit breaker to find the right switch and turn it off is too much of a pain in the ass because with my luck I'll turn off the kitchen circuit, and then I have to spend an eternity resetting every stupid appliance clock in the kitchen. So I dismiss step 2 and move to the rest of the directions.

After reading the directions I go out to the porch, dismantle the old light, and then stare at the bare wires. Probably just buzzing with electricity. Again, I consider turning the electricity off. But for some unknown reason, other than being a man, I continue with the installation of the new light. In blatant disregard for Step 2, which tried so hard to get me to do the right thing.

I guess the part of my brain that's in control of "self preservation" got zapped the last time I messed with household current. I'm a college educated person, for crying out loud. A physician, no less! Yet here I am, working with metal tools and bare wires and live electricity because I'm too lazy to walk 10 feet to the circuit breaker and find the correct switch.

Lucky for me, installation went without a hitch, which was what I was expecting. No electrocution.

But in defense of my stupidity, had it started raining, I definitely would have turned off the electricity. Or at least really thought about it.