Cinna-hell yeah!

As you approach the department store entrance, you see them. Women wearing strange futuristic smocks emblazoned with the product's logo, spraying clouds of perfume onto little cards and forcing them on passers-by.

I usually shove my hands in my pockets (Sorry! Have no hands! Can't take!), avoid eye contact, and rush past them, holding my breath.

The majority of the perfumes smell about the same to me. But I can classify them into three broad categories depending on who they are most likely trying to target:

• Fruity and light smelling perfume often used by teenagers. Attracts other teens and pedophiles
  
• Heavy, nausea inducing perfumes used by the Medicare population. I'm not sure if this does more repelling than attracting.
  
• All other perfumes. Each has their own distinct subtleties, but they mostly smell the same.

I've yet to smell a brand of perfume that made me stop in my tracks and inquire about it. Most times, it's just "that's nice". I can easily discern those that are terrible, but that's about it as far as my perfume preferences go.

I think if you really want to get a man's attention, and wear perfume that works, get something that smells like a freshly baked cinnamon roll. I guarantee that will get me (and every other man, woman, beast, and child) to stop dead in our tracks and start looking around.

Phermones? Pfshaw! You've got Eau de Cinnamon Rolls!