Thursday, July 06, 2006


You just can't stop but wonder why nobody can figure out that Clark Kent is Superman. They're the same height, same build, similar features, similar hair... I mean really, why is this so difficult?

I guess if a friend of mine (who always wears glasses) one day shows up at my house without his glasses, but wearing a multi-colored skin-tight leotard with a cape and matching boots, I might be a bit confused and have a hard time trying to accurately place this guy. But I'm sure that after I get over the initial shock of seeing this guy, I'd notice the similarity and catch on pretty quick.

Is it the hair that confuses everybody? It amuses me that when Clark rips off his clothes and sheds his glasses, he somehow (with superhuman speed) combs his hair a bit differently and creates that trademark Superman hair-curl. In addition to having to wear his Superman outfit under his clothes at all times, I guess he also carries around a comb and a small tube of hair gel.

Also, how does he afford to throw away his glasses all the time? My last pair of glasses cost me $250. I guess if they're not prescription, he can go to the local Metropolis Wal-Mart and pick up a crappy pair for $19.99. But if you think that he has to shed his clothes and glasses at least twice a day to save the world from inevitable destruction, that comes to about $280 a week, just on the cost of replacing his cheap glasses alone.

Even if he's somehow able to get a bulk discount on his glasses at a price of $9.99 a pair, that means he's literally throwing away over $7000 a year on replacing his glasses. Never mind what he's got to pay for all the clothes he keeps ripping apart to do his super duties.

On a journalist's salary, seven grand is a large chunk of change. I'd advise him to put his glasses in a safe carry case and carry it with him when he goes on his Superman missions. He can either clip it to his belt a-la Batman. Or perhaps stuff it down his underwear: not only is it in a safe spot, it can act like a cup, and even offer artificial visual enhancement of his nether regions.