Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Top 10 Dead Giveaways that you're a Drug Seeking Patient:

1. You know the names of every narcotic

2. You try to fool me with made up symptoms
(I didn't get a MD degree by being a dummy, you know)

3. You shift nervously while talking to me about your symptoms

4. Your fingers and eyes dart around erratically

5. You tell me you've had these symptoms for years, and the only thing that works is Vicodin/Percocet/Lortab/Darvocet/etc.

6. You start off our conversation by telling me that Alleve/Motrin/Advil/Tylenol/Ultram/etc doesn't work

7. The ER portion of your medical chart is thick with visits for persistent undiagnosable pain that miraculously resolved with a narcotic administration

8. You come in with obvious self-inflicted injuries inconsistent with a psychological profile, or pain inconsistent with known anatomical nerve distributions

9. You get angry when I tell you that I'm going to order some tests and work up your supposed pain instead of simply giving you a perscription for narcotics just to get you out of my clinic.

10. You start off the visit by telling me emphatically that you're not a drug seeking patient