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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Exasperation

An actual phone conversation I had with a nurse today:

Me: Hello, I'm returning a page. Did you page for Surgery?

Nurse: Hello Doctor, are you the one taking care of Mrs. W?

Me: Yes, I just left the room. What's going on?

Nurse: I forgot to mention that she has a tear in her skin, can you give me a verbal order for some antibiotic cream to put on it?

Me: Well, sure. Where's the tear?

Nurse: On her skin.

Me: Right. Where on her skin?

Nurse: On the left.

Me: Left of what?

Nurse: On the left of the skin.

Me: (Perplexed silence)

Nurse: Hello?

Me: Yes. I'm trying to figure out what you just said. Where is that lesion?

Nurse: On her skin.

Me: Yes, I know that. Where on her skin is it?

Nurse: On the left one.

Me: (Frustrated, but strangely fascinated) What left one?

Nurse: The tear is on her left.

Me: Left what?

Nurse: What?

Me: What?

Nurse: I'm sorry, Doctor, I don't know what you're asking.

Me: Left what? Left arm? Foot? Ear? Buttock? What body part are you talking about!?

I really thought I was going to lose my mind. I wish I could say that the nurse was just screwing with me, but alas, she was just simply an idiot.